Voting next week

OK: I've already posted somewhere (I can't remember if it was in my blog or on Facebook) that I am all excited about my first chance to vote in this off-year election.  I've been reading and listening a lot about the issues: health reform, social security, debt, housing crisis, banking crisis, double-dip reception. . . the list is endless (I want to thank mom for listening to the local NPR station in the morning while we are getting ready and in the drive to campus!)

But with all of this stuff going one, I don't understand one thing: if there is any significant change in the Congress, how are we going to deal with these issues?

I understand the frustration that some of the "Tea Party" people feel.  Lots of us felt the same way during the Bush years. . . but regardless of our approach to solutions, we all agree that these issues I mentioned need to be addressed.  How can they be addressed when Congress is going to be intentionally deadlocked with this off year election!

OK: let's look at a couple of these issues.  Let's go to health care reform.  Sorry, free market does NOT make for good health care.  Insurance companies are the only ones who come out on the long end of that stick.  Professionals are frustrated by quotas set by insurance companies and we Americans are not getting the quality of care that the "free market" touts that we have.  I have an aunt who is struggling with diabetes. She was diagnosed when she was 12 and she is just now 24.  Thanks to the reform passed this past year, she can get insurance, even with here pre-existing disease now.  But if that reform had NOT passed--or worse--this plan is repealed with a different Congress, she will die before she is 30!  Why can other countries in industrialized Europe and in Asia make universal health care work, but we can't?  By changing the faces in Congress in November, we are not going to make ANY headway in this matter.

OK: Social security.  I know that I will never see anything that I pay into social security and I know I will have to work longer than my mom & dad, and their parents.  So I am not worried about myself.  I am worried about my parents and my grand parents who DID contribute to the system and DID plan on it to take care of them in their old age.  I know we are in a different world than where FDR was at the end of the Great Depression.  But he had the right idea that collectively we can work to make all Americans have some sense of security as they age or in cases where they can no longer work as they have previously.  I think it is really ironic that many who argue about changes in health care and supporting social security express their fundamental Christian faith.  Didn't Jesus challenge us to take care of one another.  Didn't Jesus inform the disciples to take care of those in need--widows and orphans and the sick?  Didn't Jesus as that we tithe?  

Tho' I don't necessarily invoke Jesus as my personal savior, I certainly respect this part of his teachings and do what I can.  I see my deductions in my paycheck and my taxes as a sort of "tithing."  So why would Christians be against this idea?  I don't understand!

To be honest--this whole debt thing is beyond my capability of understanding.  But I believe that is we had not been in the ruinous war in Iraq. . . and if there had not been tax cuts to the wealthiest Americans, that we might be in a different place now.  I understand from reading my history books and from some reading on my own and from what my mom and dad reported: President Clinton created a budget SURPLUS during his years and balanced the federal budget.  If President Obama were given the time and the Congress, I think he could do the same thing!  So don't whine to me about debt when you are going to intentionally elect an obstructionist Congress that will prevent ANYTHING from being done over the next three years!

Bottom line: I am voting next week, as I have a chance, to vote for those men and women who will work WITH President Obama, instead of against him.  We are supposed to be the UNITED States, yet the political speeches, the adds on TV, and news all seem to underscore how were are divided! Wasn't in Lincoln who talked about "a house divided on itself"?  Wasn't it FDR who cautioned us about fear? Wasn't it Kennedy who challenged us to look as see what WE can do for our country?  What's happened to this spirit of our working together toward a common good?  What's happened to the heart of both American ingenuity and generosity?  

When I hear "Tea Party" folks and when I listen to Palin, I become afraid, very afraid.  But I am stealing myself against this fear by voting and by talking and by writing to encourage everyone. . . let's give Mr. Obama the help he needs to really move our country forward into the 21st Century instead of lapsing back to 20th Century pettiness!

Mary Magdelena's Thoughts on the Morning of the Last Supper

You have left me lying here

for what we know is the inevitable.

After we made love last night and

you drifted asleep on my breast,

You were restless in your dreams:

You moaned a heart-rending moan.

You pleaded--"No, no, don't let this happen," and then,

When I kissed your brow and

cooed my love warm and whispery next to your ear,

You finally settled into a resolute sleep.

I wish I could dream a resolute dream, one of a simple life,

a common life of a 

carpenter's wife:

You and I and children, then grandchildren

and your sleeping in my arms every night, tired 

from your physical work, not your father's!

But that life was not offered to you, nor to me!

You knew that long before I: you knew all that when

our eyes meet, our lips touched, our bodies melted into one another

that first time.

I only knew later, when like Leda,

I took on your knowledge with your seed.

But unlike Leda, I took on more: more than your knowledge, 

I took on the onus of you and of our love:

I took on the memory of my holding your 

head between my moist breasts after we made love

and you were awaiting your sleep and your fate.

I took on the the feeling of your presence in my arms, 

between my thighs, between my breasts--

even now when you are gone.

I took on a life that is empti-full:

denied your physical presence, 

yet full in our love for one another.

Right now, tho', your love lasts fresh on me and in me:

your scent hangs on my skin; 

your beard's irritation is still red on my face;

your delight lies deep and fertile within me. . .

now, right now. . . . .

even that you are gone.

OK: I need some help with this. . . .

For several weeks now, Dwight, the guy I've been "dating" is surprising me and showing up on Thursday night (last night was the 3rd in a row) and he wanted me to go with him today (today being Friday, 8 October) back with him to school for their homecoming weekend. . .

I am posting this since he is in lab right now and I am in his dorm room reflecting one WTF is going on!!!

It's not that I don't like Dwight. I really, really do. In fact, I probably lack his as well, if not better, than any person I've ever really known. He is sort of goofy, but in a really nice way. He is talented--he plays several musical instruments and has a passable voice. He is smart; he is sure to be Dean's list for his first term. He is tolerant of me and my idiosyncrasies (as witnessed by this rambling post).

So why am I writing about this issue--why do I seem to be sounding like some ungrateful bitch concerning this really sweet guy who just happened into my like?

Part of it is that Dwight keeps telling me he loves me. . .now I know there are some of you out there who will immediately say that, indeed, I am one petty bitch who does not know how good she has it. But please note, before you rush to judgment of me, some of these facts:

• Dwight and I are only 18 years old.  Yes, I know Romeo & Juliet where younger--but look what happened to them!! Why should their "relationship" be a standard?
• We have only known each other for about 2 months now.  How can anyone be convinced that they have found a "soul mate" in such a brief amount of time? 
• OK--Dwight and I have been "intimate." I am an 18 year old woman who has been sexually active since I was 14. . . I don't want to debate the morality of this decision.  I am responsible for my sexual health, for the health of my partner, and for my fertility. I can't help but think that Dwight is (a) feeling compelled by our culture or (b) being confused within his own male thinking that sexual attraction MUST equal love, and--therefore--he feels he has to say he "loves" me. I have told him about as much as I am telling you here, but he still insists he loves me. Do you think I am being unreasonable about this question?

And now dig what's going on this weekend: We did luxuriate this AM until late morning in bed. We headed out after he explained his vision of the weekend! We had a really nice lunch, al fresco, downtown before heading over the mountain to his school.  We got to his dorm room--well, I have to self-censor at this point--and then he left to his lab that is scheduled to run until 5 or so. . . .

When he gets back, I am supposed to be ready and we are going to have dinner, then there is a play called Romantic Fools we are going to see.  Here's the blurb about his play: "Romantic Fools is a wild comedy ride following the journey of an Everyman and Everywoman through the world of sex, romance and relationships. From a date with a caveman to Stepford husbands, Romantic Fools is a comedy for anyone who has ever loved, lusted or acted like an idiot. Drawing from influences such as Monty Python and the Mark Brothers, these sketches celebrate the inherent comedy of male-female relationships. For mature audiences."

 

OMG. .  .then there is the game tomorrow and some parties of some such stuff going on after and late into the evening. . . then he is going to get me back home sometime on Sunday since I have a mid-term math exam Monday night before our fall break starts next week!!!

HELP ME!!! Calling all cyber-friends, from Facebook to readers of my blog to any one who stumbles onto my blog. .  .what do I do to manage this whirlwind?  

And what compounds that matter is what I've listed above: he is really nice and in 10 years or so, I might be able to really consider the sort of serious relationship he is suggesting, but there is no way in hell I would ever think about telling him I love him right now. . . .

Don't hold back, dear readers!  If you think I am some heartless bitch who is using this boy, then please share your point of view so I can have something to reflect upon. . .I can tell you that I am heterosexual, and 100% committed to that chose, so don't be cute an allege that I am a lesbian and just not owned yet. . . .

So if you can help with advice, perspective, experiences, PLEASE post something in my comments area under this blog post. . . .and keep your fingers crossed for me tonight and tomorrow. . . 

Bye and love you all!

My first attempt at a villanelle: "Do not go gentle into a world without HTTP"

Do not go gentle into a world without HTTP

Do not go gentle into a world without connection, without HTTP! Another generation may be content with radio, TV, and phone
But we, we rage against the lack of connectivity.

---

Tho’ parents and grandparents know a world of productivity
Based solely on print and text and place, we—we alone—
Are the first where time is what matters and place is empty.

---

Boomers dream of being as adept as we,
Yet their pale attempts to connect and belong
Fail in our world of 24/7 connectivity!

---

And Xers who believe they invented HTTP
Who first broached the idea of place postpon’d
Cannot fathom our nature, our instinct for connectivity.

---

And we—the present generation—simply called ME’s
Have seen what brave new world we own
And relish our world of cybernicity!

---

So, you, my mother and my grandmother, friend me. . .
Facebook me as you will, yet you are always strangers in my virtual home!
My generation has moved past your cusp of uncertainty
And only we live, love, work, and play in a world of 24/7 connectivity. 

---

[Three notes for any readers who stumble onto this poem:

• First, I owe a debt to Dylan Thomas' "Do not go gentle" for both structure and form for my attempt at this villanelle.
• Readers may find several explanations of what a villanelle is by clicking here
• Besides the homage to Thomas, my other "inspiration" (for lack of any better term) is living this past week without my computer and how empty and lost I was for nearly 7 full days!]

Week W/O my Laptop!

OK--mom went out of town a week ago Sunday and on Monday AM, just as I got to school and settled into the library for a morning of Facebooking and other distractions, my system FAILED!!! OMG, what should I/could I do?

 I called mom and explained my distress and I emailed daddy for advice.  Mom essentially told me to put my big girl panties on and deal with it; daddy is still looking for work after his place closed in August and his communication is erratic.  He was in logistics, so he is traveling up and down the East Coast looking for opportunities.  Sometimes he can be in a place and get email out; others times, he can't.  Anyway, I had to do something.

There is a local place where my mom has had her laptop worked on, so after lunch, I rode over to see him.  I'd contracted a virus that attacked the boot file (or some such cabalah-speak like that) and he would have to "blow away" my hard drive, then re-install an operating system. . . at this point, my anxiety began to rise to unprecedented levels (other than on math test days!)


First, did this "blowing away" mean everything would be gone?  Second--operating system--I don't know anything other than when I turn on the power, it starts up and I point and click to do my stuff.  Third--and most important--what's this going to cost?

"I think when all is said and done," the computer guy said, "you're looking at about $250."


I nearly swooned like Scarlet O'Hara on the news Ashley had been wounded! Two hundred and fifty dollars!!!

I left the laptop and went to my car and sat, listening to the rain pelting the hood.  Where could I get that sort of money?  Mom had left me $50 dollars when she took out on Sunday; she figured that would take care of my gas money and some meals if I wanted to eat some fast food. . . .I had a little money in my account--very little after tuition and books and supplies! What could I do?


I drove slowly back to school to get ready for my afternoon math class.  I felt so disconnected. . . .I went to the library and used one of the public computers.  But it wasn't the same.  I checked email, checked the online support for my classes, but I didn't even really want to log in to Facebook or blog or check my T35.com site! I felt like I was so exposed while using a public computer.

Then, after math class, and went in the pouring rain back to the dark, cold house. . . I was really freaking!  I was so used to mom being there when I got home at 7:00. . .and the dogs had peed in the kitchen on top of everything else! OMG what else could happen to me?


I cleaned up their stupid dogs' mess, walked them in the rain, brought them in, and drew an warm bath. . . .I sat there for over an hour, until the water was turning cool.  I gave the cats some dry food and pulled mom's raincoat and boots over my bare-assed self and walked the dogs once more. . . .

When I got in, I slipped off the dripping coat and boots, heated some water and a tea bag in the microwave, and cuddled under two afghans in the living room in the dark. . .I was naked, cold, miserable!

(More reflections on this week coming!)